I have just been informed by a nameless beloved relative that I have achieved "loser" status due to my lack of posting. Apparently, blog neglecting makes some people cranky. Whoda' thunk?

At the moment I am not feeling terribly inspired to be creative...not much excitement going on.

- I can relate that Saturday I told my kids to load in the car so we could go get ice cream. It's a good-happy-family bonding type activity....I left out the part about stopping at the doctors office for flu shots ON the way to the ice cream establishment. I felt a little guilty. Before you shake your head- consider... how would you round up six people to have needles stuck in their arms? All in all- it could have been worse. Only two (#1 & #2) bucked and snorted. I should have taken pictures.
The ice cream was lovely.

My Life Makes Me Go Hmmm........

There are times in my life when I feel like I am watching an interesting movie about someone else, because I do not feel, and therefore am not, old-ish, mom-ish, or hopefully....stale?. When I was younger I never considered my mom was a regular person who felt like anything other than- a mom. She was born a mom.... wasn't she? Maybe, that is why I have been surprised as I have "gained in experience" that I feel the same as I did when I was a kid, except for:

1-An affinity for handy cleaning supplies. I never dreamed I would own one of those super huge dust-mopping sweeper things (like they use at the church) just to sweep my kitchen AND be thankful for it.

2- Paper plates....one of the best inventions ever. I will never be a respectable earth-first green person due to the fact I am not willing to give up a mother's best friend- the paper plate. It's a compromise actually, due to limited time and sanity- something had to go- cooking or dishes. Since we all love to eat the obvious choice was dishes- no one loves those. If you do... there is something seriously wrong and you need to seek out a competent therapist!

3-Appreciation for the soul cleansing power of sweat and a loaded mp3 player. I have never liked to sweat with or without music. I think it's in my blue-blood genetics somewhere. One of the great shocks of my life occurred when I discovered the direct correlation between coping skills and physical exertion. Next to the scriptures (#1), the thing that mellows me is exercise. Oddly enough, house work doesn't seem to cut it.....hmm, go figure.

4- Nudity at church is just not ok- This is a newly acquired insight into my adult mind....which according to some might catapult me into the realm of the stale, but.....
The moment came this past Sunday during the sacrament song when #5, darling imp that she is, proclaimed, "I did it!''. (She does that when she accomplishes tasks like removing her shoes or escaping from her bed instead of going to sleep.) So, glancing down in response to her declaration I observed not only had she removed her shoes, but she was now just sporting her tights....that's it. Since I am not an uptight mother I just bent over, grabbed the clothes, and proceeded to redress her. She, however, did not think this was a good move on my part and the weeping and wailing began. Apparently I was raining on her happy moment of accomplishment. After a brief struggle #5 saw the wisdom in wearing clothing in the chapel...if not shoes. Whew!

An Idle Mind is the Devil's Playground

All, or most, of the children are at school- so there is nothing for my neighbor and I to do but sit around and eat bonbons.......or clean something. Since we are bonbon-ed out and cleaning is not a tolerable option we decided to dance with danger.

Just don't tell.....ok.?

What Do You Do?

There are moments when my brain comes up with a post so amazing and profound I am overcome with glee and can hardly stand myself. And then, there are the follow up moments when I do something so brainless (i.e. hitting "close" before "save") that I just throw myself on the floor to flail and exclaim! This is the point where my children go and make popcorn and watch the funny mom.

Instead of something profound, due to mental exhaustion, the only avenue open to my mind is to wimp out and come up with some sort of mind numbing story or a confession of something no one has ever known about me. Sadly, I am not that interesting.

Therefore, I will confess I have listened to country music my entire life and was"country when country wasn't cool". (Know that song? Ok....but, who sang it?)

I know!..... shock and amazement.....probably not.

It was entirely my parents fault. I am the oldest child in my family. I had no one to teach me what was "cool", so I followed my parents lead. I grew up loving Marty Robbins, Boxcar Willy, Barbara Mandrell, The Oakridge Boys, etc. When I arrived at junior high, in my polyester pants and burgundy velour top, I began to suspect my parents were a bit off on what was "cool". I quickly learned to nod my head and look all knowing when the kids around me talked about their favorite rock groups. I acquired a FM radio to conduct further research. The hardest part was trying to discern rock lyrics. They were very quick. I studied Duran Duran intently. I was amazed to learn some men actually wore eyeliner!? Hmm! By the time I arrived in high school I was confident in my deception. As far as anyone knew I was a normal 80's girl .....and no one suspected there were cowboy boots hidden in the back of my closet.

Man, that was tough! I promise to be more careful with the "close" and "save" keys on this contraption.

Something about Children

Kids ! For instance:

#4 walks into the room-"Mom, I want to color."

"Yeahoooo! not an electronic request", I think to myself- and proceed to jump up and grab the crayons.

The serious 4 year old looks at me and says," Mom, your hair is BEAUTIFUL!" I still have it in the post shower rubber-banded wad on the back of my head. I was already getting him what he wanted... so, it's not like he was trying to fluff my butter....it must be true! -OR- He has discovered that flattering Mom can have its rewards and he is testing the boundaries...?

Example # 2:

Two-year-olds.

...probably enough said, but- just in case you have never lived with one, here is some advice:

Do not let them design your wardrobe for the upcoming season

or you may look like this:

#5 even has her own fashion slave to do her very cute, albeit opinionated bidding.
I personally like the belt. It adds just the right accent to the belly-curvature.

If you wonder why some of the poses on this blog are not so posey it's because this two-year-old hates- I mean in a detestful manner- hates having her picture taken. We have many snipits in our photo collection of escaping two-year-old body parts.

On a side note: I have been struggling with an small identity crisis. My baby calls me "Dad". Some of our kids, including #5, called their father "Mom" when they were very little. I thought it was rather funny and cute, but I have been "Dad" for the past 2 months. Every time # 5 comes running into the room to talk to me, sees me in the morning, or comes in from play to find me she sweetly yells, "Hey Dad!" I can't convince her that my name is Mama. Ugh!

Oh,.... and the dog has taken over the lawnmower and turned it into a hammock. Maybe I should learn to use that thing.

Summer Adventure- continued

I am taking too long getting this vacation post done. So, I will keep it brief. Maybe.

Aren't these two cute? I might have mentioned them before. They are Thing 1 (my #4) and Thing 2 (my sisters # 4). I know I referenced how cute they are....well, they really are. And, I think there is a reason! It's a defense mechanism. Generally, they are energetic, darling, and engaging, but when the get together they become two talented mischief pixies. I could fill a book with their exploits. The first half would comprise science experiments brewed in Grandma's tub. But, I digress...the point of this picture is they had a smashing time and we are happy to announce they have been accepted into the Guinness Book of World Records for "the most dirt ground into the seats of a pair of shorts". Here I am doing my best Mario impression. I thought I was kickin' it, but was informed I drive like a grandma. They weren't sure whose grandma, since no one had seen a grandma drive that slowly. They were just jealous of my tight curves.The bumper boats were hilarious. The kids had been waiting all year to get back to this place so they could DRIVE. I thought driving would be a problem when they became teenagers, but I was wrong.

Notice the naughty little children with the squirt guns blasting in the back ground. Yeah, those are my sister's kids. OK- here is a real drama: I have this exceedingly artistic brother-in-law who loves to doodle. So, while we were sacrificing out knee-caps helping with a pinata, he did this......... with Big J's encouragement. # 5 even had "Jesus Loves me" creatively scrawled across her belly. They didn't stop there. By the time the artists were discovered three innocent- and completely entertained- children had been graffitied.

One mom was not too happy. Apparently, her son has an ink allergy. So, she had her revenge at the trigger end of a Super-Soaker. They got what they deserved, but were not very penitent.

(Edited for time)

After numerous days in the great outdoors we returned home to scrub off the dirt, mow the jungle, feed the chickens, dust (not really), and restock our suitcases.

After adequate preparations we were off to my great aunt and uncle's 80th birthday party. You would think that someone who drove seven hours to attend a birthday party would get a picture of the birthday couple together, but alas, nope! So, here are my two great aunts. The one with her arm around me is the birthday girl. Can you believe she is 80? I wish I had her DNA. You should see her yard! Amazing. The other lovely lady is my grandma's sister. My grandma passed away when I was 16 and I was blessed to have this special lady step into that empty space. She is 87 and can out shop anyone. These ladies are the guaranteed best fun there is. Speaking of the yard: Here is a little glimpse... and that is not a child torture treatment. My dad is helping my niece retrieve something from the fishpond. That yard just thrills me.Here is #5 coming up the side of the driveway. I don't know about yours, but my driveway does not look like that even in July!

Last, but not least, these are some of the silly girls in my family. They two lovelies on my left are my sisters and the one on my right is my cousin. I only have two first cousins on this side of my family. On my mom's side there are 30-40-something-ish - not that that information has any bearing on anything. Anyway, the tree we are sitting in is an old apple tree with a bench that encircles the entire trunk. It is so idyllic to the imagination. All you need is a poofy dress and a big hat and you would be set for placing in a novel.

I think I have run on enough...so much for being brief.

We Interrupt This Adventure Report!

I think it was divine inspiration or intervention when one of my friends wrote a post yesterday about parents "behaving well....and not reacting"....something like that. When I read it I thought, " Oh, that's nice. What a great reminder to start my day." Well, it seems the powers that be thought it would be fun to test my reactors out.
IT all began that morning upon arriving home from running errands. I skipped merrily out of my car and moved to get my purchases from the back. At that point my eldest, and exceedingly helpful, child flung herself out of the gate and eagerly offered help hauling. She then began a discussion that went like this:
"Mom, you know how # 2 has that serious eyebrow problem? Well, he finally said I could pluck his eyebrows."
Me- "Oh, he did?"
#1- "Um, yeah...and so I started and (Noise from the back door of the house that signaled someone else was coming outside. Serious alarm spreads across #1's face.)
Me, calmly-"...and what did you do?"
At this point #2 comes through the gate with his shirt made into a turban covering his forehead.
#1- "Well, it didn't go very well. We had a problem. I used too much shaving cream."
Me- "#1 plucking doesn't involve shaving cream."
A certain degree of alarm crawled into my brain. I looked at # 2 and he glumly pulled off his head wrap. And there- it wasn't- half of his left eyebrow, which is no small thing.
Me- "Oh, my!" very calm. "#2 why don't you go wait for me in the bathroom and I will see if there is something I can do to help."
I turned my attention back to schlepping the groceries into the house. I ran some of them down to the storage room and then I remembered I need to move the laundry over. At this point there was a loud noise upstairs, like a large book being dropped on the wood floor. I went up to investigate. The kids were running around higgledy-piggledy exclaiming about sparks and lights that didn't work.
Me-" What happened"
All of the kids at once-"sparks, lights, sparks, lights..." in the middle of all the tumult #1 was reciting a litany of information as fast as she can.
Me- "STOP! What happened?- just the facts."

There is an electrical odor wafting down the hall from the bathroom.

#1- "# 2 turned off the lights in the bathroom and then there were sparks on the floor."
While she was relating these facts the other kids drifted away testing all of the lights in the house to survey the extent of the damage. Their actions caught her attention and she was gone. My brain was racing. We had just remodeled and rewired that bathroom last year. Had the electrician messed something seriously up? Was my house in eminent danger?
(Good thing am not an over-reactor.)
#2 came down the hall.
#2- "Mom, I have to tell you the truth..."
Right then- I looked down and noticed my sacred tweezers laying on the counter. One of the tips was missing and the remainder was charred black in places. It all clicked into place!
Me-"Oh, #2 you didn't stick those in the outlet?!!!!! Honey, you could have been killed" He sadly looked at me with his half an eyebrow and I about throttled him. He is the scientific one in our family and is way passed old enough to know better. If he had done that in another outlet...one that didn't have a protector, we would not have been having a discussion.
Breathe, breathe, breathe.
I carefully explained we don't use the word stupid in our home ...unless someone sticks tweezers in an electrical outlet. It was a very stupid choice...especially for someone with his intelligence and his consequence required some long and serious thought. I am still pondering on that one, but I think it will involve a research paper.
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I would like to have a picture to go with this post, but one of my blessings felt the call of a creative muse and traipsed out to the back lawn with my camera...and left it in the grass. It wasn't his fault his brother decided to stage a WW III water battle in the same area.

p.s. Does anyone have any advice on where I can aquire some really good tweezers?